I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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