New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
