I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
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My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
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We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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