trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
