im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
