Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
