8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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