Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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