god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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