I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
