Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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