You smell like stripper and shame
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
