I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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