i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
