I heard we made out
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
