i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
