his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
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The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
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my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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