I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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