Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
