So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
