cat food counts as protein by the way
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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