Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
smell my finger.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
