I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
