matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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