it was like his penis was on wheels.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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