So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like heaven, but drunker
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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