Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
