my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
