respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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