is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
