that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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