wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
