it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
