your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
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Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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