I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
