so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
