Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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