and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think people are normalizing furries
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
