Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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