I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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