my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
