While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You made out with two different species that night
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
