fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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