The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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