Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
