Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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