ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER