Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
