Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
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I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
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She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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