watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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