Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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