I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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