i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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