I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
