i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
