and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
