I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
