It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
